Proud to be a bigot: a view from the barbie

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Sunday, 25 January 2015 18:30 by Ken Wolff

Everyone knows about George Brandis’s now famous comment:

People do have a right to be bigots, you know. In a free country, people do have rights to say things that other people find offensive or insulting or bigoted.

I have decided to take him at his word and tell Tony Abbott to eff off back to where he came from. He arrived here as a £10 pom and I will willingly refund his £10 (or $20 in real Australian money) if he takes the next boat home — perhaps we can spare him an orange life boat for the journey. Why wasn’t his boat stopped at sea and turned back? Given what he is doing to Oz, he must certainly rank as an ‘undesirable’ immigrant.

Yes, before the conservative critics start pointing out that Julia Gillard was born in Wales, in my bigoted view someone born in Wales (or Scotland or Ireland) ranks considerably higher than a conservative wanna-be toff born in England. If you doubt my ‘wanna-be toff’ comment, why did he re-introduce Knights and Dames into the Order of Australia? We got rid of those stupid, meaningless titles years ago but obviously a pom like Abbott still thinks they are important to Oz — where’s he been for the past 30 years? Perhaps he is hoping that one day one of his successors will offer him a title for all the great work he has done. But I’m not sure where he thinks this ‘great work’ will be done: it’s certainly not here in Oz going by his current performance.

Why do we need a pom running our country? He’ll only ruin it. Sorry, he already is, as James Wight pointed out so well in his piece here on TPS.

Although he may have arrived here as a kid (and I mean that in both senses of the word because in my humble view he is a goat), he doesn’t seem to really understand this country. I don’t know what he was doing when growing up out here but it certainly wasn’t in any way, shape or form giving him a genuine understanding of the Australian way of life. I haven’t seen him at the pub.

He pretends he is one of us but he tries too hard. Who else but Abbott still appears on the beach in budgie smugglers? Anyone who does is up themselves, thinks they are Adonis, or god’s gift to women — in my blatantly bigoted opinion, that fits Abbott to a tee. He walks with an exaggerated swagger — ‘look at me, look at me’, it says, ‘ain’t I the best thing since sliced bread’. He is a ‘big head’ and that is un-Australian. He seems to think he deserves to be a Knight, or perhaps a Lord, who can tell the rest of us what is good for us — as long as it is also good for him and his up-town mates. Sorry (again), he’s already doing that as well.

He bicycles. He jogs. He is a member of the volunteer bush fire brigade, at least when it presents a photo opportunity. He is a member of a surf live-saving club but you wouldn’t think so the way he treats the rest of us. There are plenty of others doing those volunteer jobs who never make it onto the telly and they deserve all the praise and credit they get but when someone turns up for the photo that will appear in tomorrow’s papers, you have to ask yourself: is this bloke for real?

And he sleeps with the police! What sort of bloke sleeps with the police and doesn’t go home to his missus? Yeh, I know that they’re repairing the Lodge but they rented some posh place for him and his family — $3000 a week as I recall: I wouldn’t mind earning $3000 a week, let alone being able to afford pay it as rent. Why didn’t he take that place and have his wife with him? Doesn’t she want to be with him? Perhaps she had enough of seeing him every day during the 2013 election campaign. Yeh, that was different. He didn’t want to sleep with police then. He wanted his missus in every second picture then — and his daughters. Where is she now? Have you seen her recently? — other than in Abbott’s Christmas address, and then she looked very uncomfortable. I don’t doubt that they’re a fairly normal family (as ‘normal’ as any family can be) but, gees, I can’t figure it out.

He thinks women should be at home doing the ironing. Yeh, sometimes I think that wouldn’t be too bad. Would save a lot of money with the child-minding. But we wouldn’t have a home for the cheese and kisses to do the ironing in if she didn’t work. And I don’t need a whingeing pom telling me or the missus what she should be doing. He’s the one who’s making it harder for us to survive without the missus working, and now making it harder even when she is. He’s supporting the top end of town and our wages now aren’t even keeping up with inflation. Does he expect we should thank him for that — pig’s a*se! (or ‘ass’ as the septics would say).

I thought he said he would govern for all Australians but so many are missing out now. What happened to the Oz we knew where we looked after each other; where we did try to give everyone a fair go; when the government helped people who were down on their luck; when the government actually supported our local industry. Now if a factory decides to go to India or Vietnam, or some other cheap place, all the men and women under 30 who lose their jobs won’t get a cent for six months. Don’t tell me that’s fair! Yeh, there might be a few bludgers avoiding work but that’s no reason to take it out on everybody else who genuinely needs a hand. It’s more likely to make it harder to get a job.

He promised that abolishing the carbon ‘tax’ would help us with our cost of living and that it was his major achievement for women. I’m sure every woman in the land has thanked him for that! Yeh, there was a bit of a reduction this year but it’s a one-off. It will disappear in no time because electricity prices are still going up. And isn’t he worried about the kids? What sort of planet are we leaving them unless we do something about climate change? He can talk about it all he likes but he isn’t doing anything! He’s off in la-la-land, off with the fairies at the bottom of the garden and there’s no such thing as climate change in that garden.

He also promised ‘no surprises’ and it really was no surprise when there were surprises. Why can’t politicians ever tell the truth? We all know now that whenever a conservative government is elected, it will immediately drop most of its promises (that they made to us to get elected in the first place) and blame the previous Labor government for leaving a financial mess. It’s become a game and is so predictable: yet, as voters, we go into elections with the hope that, this time, they might actually keep their promises. They don’t have to look very far to realise why we don’t trust them anymore.

Abbott reckons he hasn’t broken any promises. He says we weren’t listening carefully enough to what he said. You can’t understand a pom at the best of times let alone when one like Abbott is twisting words to suit himself. How are we supposed to know what he means when half-the-time he doesn’t seem to know himself? And he takes so long to get a sentence out that we’ve given up listening before he’s finished.

Then he tried to big-note himself on the world stage. What a joke! He said he wanted to ‘shirtfront’ Putin. I bet that had the Russians quaking in their boots: more likely rushing to their dictionaries to find out what the hell he meant. Somewhat loses its effect, don’t you think, if the other bloke has to look up a dictionary to find out what you mean before you thump him.

Like Howard before him, he reckons that any job is better than no job. He would say that, wouldn’t he, when he’s never done a day’s labour in his life. He wouldn’t even have a parliament house to swan about in if it wasn’t for hundreds of labourers who built the place! But look at how he treats working people. He seems to think he’s lord of the manor and we are just his serfs — well, serfs for him and his mates. They think they own us and we should be happy that they’re providing work for us, even if some of them (and I won’t mention names) think we should be working for $2 a day.

Abbott wants to bring back Workchoices — under a new name of course because his mob ‘buried’ Workchoices years ago. They might have taken it off life-support but it didn’t die. He wants more individual work contracts — no awards and conditions just what the lord of the manor is willing to give you. It’s a bit hard to fight back on your own but that’s Abbott’s pommy world. And you’ll be arrested for poaching, for trying to get a feed for your kids. I can foresee it all.

The rest of his mob may not be poms but they’re just as bad. Foghorn Leghorn and Schwarzenegger having cigars when they handed down their budget that attacked working people and the poor. It reminds me of an old Irish song, ‘The rocks of Bawn’ and the lyric:

Come all you loyal comrades wherever you may be
And don’t hire with any master ‘til you know what your work will be
For you must rise up early from the clear daylight of dawn
And I know you’ll never be able to plough the rocks of Bawn

A curse attend you Sweeney for you have me nearly robbed
A-sitting by your fireside with your dudeen in your gob

(A ‘dudeen’ is an old Irish clay pipe.)

It all fits doesn’t it? And shows that the poms like Abbott haven’t really changed. They kept the Irish down. They kept the Irish in Australia down in the early years. And they keep the workers down. They want us to do the impossible, like ‘plough the rocks of Bawn’, while they sit there smoking their cigars. And you wonder why I’m bigoted!

I can finish with some fine English words that a wanna-be toff like pommy Abbott might understand: ‘You and your toffs, just naff off back to Eton’.

What do you think?

TPS presents this piece as a warm-up for the year ahead, just to get us back into a politcial frame of mind and boost the political spirits.

Our first serious post for the year will appear next Sunday. But watch out later in the week for a special post about some changes for TPS in 2015.